Harry's Bizzare Adventure
by Vack
Summary: Harry about to be kill by snape. How he make alived?
1. Harry Danger!

"He name Montel william, age 54. Height, 6 ft. He do late night infomertial.. you know live well with montel?" say middle age poblice obicer "ya but what he do here?" say oter ofer. "He accuse of sex assliting Oprey winfrah om her show opreh winfrea show. he sware he no do it tho, but he blk so he lie." say oter officer. "I KNOW if he lie or no." say friend of montel who camed to bail his out to officer . It was long friend of momtel... it were.. white old jew friend Maury Povich. "wat 2 sucesful men like u do with loser like this he no have he own show!" say head police man. The other sucesful man the police obicer talk to were Jerry Spinger. "DONT U EEEVR MESS WITH MOMTEL!" say Springer and he look at he meanly and the oppicer fel he neck be sqezed by inbisible fors like darth bader! Mary see white hand tho for some reason... The two old dudes go and waked up monetel in he cell and ask he what he stealed this time "i no steal nosing!" say momtel The oder to ppl laff and mary say "we no stupid but wat dis we heer about oprah be asluted on show. "I NO DO! I sware i no do dat. I want to do dat becaus she inslut me infornt of wole world but I knowed it no good do do!" "wat thin you? he lie?" say jerry and Maury close he eye and a ghastly figure of a man in white coat in glasses come form Maury body he seem analyze monetl and look thinkingfully. "he... no lying... this must mean..." Maury intterupet by Montely crying "my life ruin... oprah mak sure i nevr get jobeed agin! what da point... good bye friend..." "MOMTEL NO!" yell SPinger and Mary in unison! as they say this Monetl taked gun he stelaed from prisin guard (cause he blak and gud at stealin (innate qualiter)) and shotted heself in he head goodfight...but him no die!

Inseatd, montel see a hamd grab bullet midair! "this wat i epsect..." muter maruy "you see monetel.. you are changing and thoguh you didnt feel or remember atking oprah.. you actual did. That spirit insibe you that stop bullet is call a stand. all we tlak show hosts have one now since oprah hab start begin to assume so mach poer." "a stamb...?" stummmer montel "yes you see.. springer here he habe one too... care to show he?" "bery well...but i need see volionce or be attck first to activate my stand." MArute compleed and began to punched jerry springer in face "MUDA DA", but all sudden two ghost arms block from jery sping body. he come and block every punch. It were bald white man with black shirt that say security ...it were STEVE WILKOS! "and so u seed, motel, jerry have stand too but only stamd usernam can see other stan it look like invisible to regular people. and you too have stan moetl ... bring he out." say mury and motel say "hoe? i no do?" "maury see he tepidation and say "jerby you go atk he make he come out." "i put he in hopeital" "i no care! DO!" and jerby comply and he atk moetel thru bars and all of studden...moetel stand camed out... blocok all punch from spinger. all of sudden spinger hear " FARCOLN PAAAAAWNCCHHH" and he jumped back and the jail cell dorred camed off... it were captein falcom. "this.. power of stand?" ask moetl "stam are repretation of iner poer so your stand are captain falcon,conquerer and god killer from lebend, me stand the scientist and spinger stand are steve wilkos secruity guart. since u out of jail now we come to my house we need talk"

the three of dem get back to mary house and sit on the couch and start jerking off. they all poop open a few beers. "cheers!" they all say in unison. ok "so wat is goin on wit all the stand poers we getted?" qestion moete..."wall, you shoul no that you lose your show for a reason moetel... you kno opreda? she get more more poerful each day sinc she becamed evil and strated to STEAL all talk show host air time! she expect all people to met fate alone while she steal peor fat beyond all imaginatbin. yu producer use yo support for trop as runescape goat to stel your air time... and those she no stel... she convert to her cause... the other talk sho host you see on sho when she imvite you somne fell to her commend cause they have many fear. i suspect she now have stand poer too, being year since the incident.. and on piers morgan tonight she no humiliate when sehe talk about sister! she weasel her way our but i think it due to stand poer." esplaim maryt.. "i 2 face oprah when new poer in ehr... she offer me jon her but i refuse and ranned away fat... she no care cause she think i small time showed." rebat spinger. "where oprah now? we must stop her ebil rane o terortit before she take over all show!" exlame moetel! "U numb digger... where else think she? she claifornia where all tv show maked... this no some elaborate scheme to journey al over da plase or w/e idk... wa tu think she EGYPE?" chucked maury... "ok how go? we taked ur private jet there?" ask moetel " no no i broked now so spinger no 1 but local ppl watch show muchly so i get decent celery but i no afford jet... we go comercial airline but no endanger people in flight.. stand to stong if orpah massive attak." "RAOD TIP!""" they alkl say in together. so after the three finish talking and jerking off firstly, they all get in spinger's hummer and begin the long road to claiforgona from baldimore maryland, montel home tone...


	2. Harry Escaper!

AN: sorry for no update in long while i on vacation and had readers oops i mean mathmaticians oops i mean physicist oops i mean writers enjoy story.

The thre best firneds moetel, gaz oops i mean jerry and maury wer alled driving down road to californ-I-A where the partay at and stuff idk w/e tupac sez shakur... he still alive tho they say he ded in 19xx, goodfight. "hey guyz i gawt n ideah..." sez jerry "what is it?" say moetel "why dont we stop and get some snacks at a gas station and pass dem off to each other o we cud... put chips in each other mowvs..." say jerry "alright sounds good lets do it but Maury move the car to the gas station quick cause i gotta pee." say montel. "ow right i weel" say maury.

The thrre of dem get to gas station it so happen to be BP. "r u guyz sure we want to go to this gaz statihon? u hear about oil spill in indian oops i mean arabian oops i mean persian oops i mean beaner gulf? it very wastefulness and no good for evironments or w/e they say on news." says Jear bear "well w/e we red blood republicanz and no need gay evironment complains and we just need gas and snacks and montel pee." say Mary. "ok ok let me get some sun chiops and beef jerks and some 64 oz big galp slurpee ok" say jer. Jer go insind after moetel rush in cau he really had to pee. He go and fill up he slupree first and drink while casual select he snakc and then secritly refill he slupree and get free extra drink in process! jerry got 15 hot dogs (beef cause jews in car) 12 tequitos, 8 bags of jack links beef jerk (because oh oberto is for mexican beaners and jerry is NOT a lagger) 20 bags of doritos and finally filled up he slurpee and got some for moetel and mary. he go up to counter to pay as montel come out and zip up he panties and has look of reliefs on he face. "that will be $156.08" said the busty lusty store clerk in a heavy southern accent who looks like she has some milage on her but is still gorgeous all the same. Her beautifulness gave jerry an idea and he looked left and rightly and saw moetel back outside talking to Muary who are filling gas at pump. "hey u know whom i am?" say spinger very sly like the store clerk had weirdly look on her face and thinked awhile but it looked like her brain metling cause she not very smart just dum bimbo. "oh yea... u dat jerry springer guy from the tv! may n my famerlie watch yer show all de time... you kinda look like my paw.." said the southern slut with a shy glimmer in her eye. "well, i can maybe get your family in my show if you do a small favor in return..." say girl got the picture quick and signlaed him to follow her to her trailer in the country. jerry gotted in her pickup truck and left snacks where they were and forgotted to telled the boys where he go.

Montel go back in store and seed no 1 there and saw a back in 1 hour sign at the desk. moetel's black instinct were to grab all the snacks for free and took it back to the car. "were our favorite white lawyer?" say maury "idfk but i got the goods lets bounce dawg, i think i saww him run off with that hot white piece of ass store clerk just now." stummer montel. "OH NO! He is about to making a graved error!" yell maury. "WHAT FUCK SHIT DO? i think him went that way lets go save him for w/e!" reply montel. They drive down road and montel use his stand captin falcin's eagle oops i mean falcon eye to see in distance and barely maded out a pickup truck in the distance about 10 miles ahead and talled his to maked pursued. "what eroer he about to making?" ask montel in steepor. "Well you fags left me at the pump doing bitch duty and i was scanning stuff with my stand and i seed that you been eating a high proteen dietay cause i scanned ur pee and seed high content of amono acids." "I only doed acid one time! how it show now?" interrupt montel "no you idot it chemical compnent of protein not drugs u moore... anyway i was scanning and i sawed thatthe store clerk vagina were dripping! I scannered it and it was mixture of sphylus and gonorhea and AIDS HIV! If jerry gonna do what i think he doing he gonna get imfected and be kill!" explame maruy "o" say montel. They all speed they way there and see the truck park in front of trailer. They bust in and they see they not the only one who bust in... jerry just finish cum in nasty disease vagina and beginned to lick it up. Montel and maury slap their face in griefs when all of the suddenly out of the blue moons they see something come move from spinger cum... Maury quick use the scientist and his electron microscope and montel use the falcon eye to get a closer look at the cum. They see somesing amezed... he sperm have ghost sperm come out they bodies and are punching away something at amazing fast speed and they could hear high pitched chimpmunk voices saying "Muda-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da..." They all taked closer look and see it were steve wilkos sperm punching away all disease virus and bacteria! spinger even have steve wilkos ghost stand white blood cells fighting off any disease that gotted in he mouth. Steve wilkos, the stand of pretection, truly guarded spinger's life. they all sigh in relief and start jerking off so naked hot store clerk who decide to put on a show for them and masterbat but no have sex so they no disease. they camed on her face and left in good spiurit. "spinger you crazy mother fuck... i love you man you are a winner." say maury patting springer on he back. When they told spinger of the danger he avoided because of steve wilkers he say "deng... no wonder i never caught anything after banging all those white trash guests.. i guess wilker have been protecting me all this time from even viral attacks..." they all drive off and head towards the highway. They eventually make it to Louisianaer, new orlins without further incidental... they have enough snaks and bottles to pee in if need. They beganned to approach the city limits and saw a road block. Maury pulls up and ask "what roadblock for we no drunker!" Four guys in shoddy military uniforms signal someone in the tower and then Montel looks up and sees an RPG head right toward the car. Jerry seed it too late to proect them from it. the car explode and jerry, maury, and montel all caught in blast, along with 2 bags of beef jerky and 4 bags of chips... The end?


	3. Harry Saver!

"Lord Oprah, we receiving reported on attacking your mickie d arch nemeis Montell willems and he famor cowhores muary povich and jerry spinger." say fat ass lady bitch no other than riki lake. Riki lakers peldge loyalty to Opey after be shame by cap falc one year ago and ask help for revenged. "It are of no conseqectial... I espect my scout do esellent job on killer of them." say insidior darth Oprah with he back turn stare off in distance in lair of oprah. "Now nothing hiner me plan for take over world.." she say as she walk off.  
>Meanewheel, back in lousiana four oprah scouts desguise in military uniform camed to looking at wreck of car that got exploding. There search all over in 20 metric radiator. They looking for bodies but fond none nobady. They assume they disintergrate from esploxion and return to call of duty donuts. but what fuck? moetel, maury, and jery all live? how shit doo? well i tell you. Some one save they! As dust settle they seed they savior... it were good looking draconic visage guy with gray oops i mean "silver" hair in a polo shit and khakis... it were... you maybe guess it... Anderson Cooper! "it look like i came just in time... you guy ok?" say middle aged handsome man who now host new year rockin eve or we on CNN cause dick clark too old gf. Maury rubb he winkie i mean head and he say "yeah we fine i think where fuck u come from men?" "Yeah you came JUST in time... kinda like how you ususally do when a new story hits." mentor montel. "Well.. I always be first man on scene you no see my anderson coop 360 xbox?"

say andy. "what your gamertag im montel1324298, since my name so popular i have get that one" excite montel. "oh it AC42069smokeweed but it have 0 for o in smoke and two 33 for the two e in weed (AC42069sm0kew33d - translation) but ya i meant my tv show man not my xbox i say on accident but i forget to write oops i mean say "oops i mean" my show... you know? (Author's play on words here, see footnote) "ya man but you save us before this happen! how u know you are cheats!" yell spinger in anger but he stand can do nothing cause he no attack plus AC save he live so he let pass. " Ok i guess i tell...Well i usually good at being there first at certain sitasians but since a year ago I discover i hae new poer!~!~! I able to forseeing disaster before about to happening and i have ability to telepart." relucky esplain Mr. coop. Ever one amaze at what hear and exslane they abilitie or stand to AC360 and all getted caughted up.  
>"So you saving our lifed? why?" questionaire montel "Think of from my pint of view... fake militia kill two famous talk show host and a hasbe- i mean a well reputed late night informercial host, forgibe my free speech, too used to my job u kno? SO yeah, this will making big story." say coopster. Montel assenter that he unsterdanding and he dust off he panties and say "Well i fink it time for rebenge..." say montel as he stand falcon captain posing as if ready for anything, he nod in the direction of spinger whom stand Steve wilkers are weapons free because he was attacked and the scientist was all geared up to be useless. "I know you no used to fighting andy, just reporting, but theres never a bitter time to strat suck i mean start fight. Will you join us?" ask maury cause he scare guy and know he kinda useless. "I suppose being gay and reporting have outlived it fun... i will try this new life." answer Andersom coop. "great all you need is stand name, what u gonna call it? im all out of my redneck trailer park trading cards so you i no give one for you" say spinger. "A stand huh... I wondered what being was carry me when i teleport or whisper in my ear when something happen.. hmm... what name suits it poers... teleport and see furture... i know! i call it Diet Pepsi, because beer is just empty calories and make me fat and i can no be fat cause too many men will be looking at body when workout at gym and i will no get date when i stare at them in their eye for extend period..!" say AC very essitedly. All settle with formerlies, they all set out to KILL attacker. Coop goes back up to roadblock and say hi and distract guard. "Wanna see something super cool?" He say and guard agree cause they bored. Andy coop point to tower where RPG guy is at and telled them to keep looked there. They do so and coop walk behind them and then teleport up there behind RPG guy. They are AMAZE. Coop quicky pull down rpg guy pants and start jerk his winker and rpg guy confused but he like it. other guard laugh and all of suddening, steve wilkers grab arms of one gaurd and put he foot on the back of gaurd and rip off guy arms and blood slapsh all over other guard face. other guard see this and prepare to shooted. Steve wilker stand in front of maury and motel and tank all shots. while he do this, montel yawn as if he bored and expecting better moves to be shown but they no show so montel walk past guards all casual. one of the guards laugh and got ready to hit montel and cap falc see this like a bolt of lightning to he eyes which he decide in and turns around and decides not to totally obliterate the guard and only does falcon kick. It do 300% dmg anyway and send guard flying off into space and he maked a new star constellation. Maury picks up a gun and shoots the last two guys , goodfight. After the guard that Coop were jerking finish he gave coop he number and was about to going to firing on he friend so coop grab guard by he ballies and telport him to top of building and drop him and teleport back to he friends. "100." say Montel.<br>"So Coop, you wanna give us a ride over to Calirofrnia now we dont have a ride?" say Maury. "well I know i can only tele about 5 miles at a time and only one person with me. If i alone and been supercharged by a blow job by guys (so he get excite) i can travle much farther... anyone want to give me several blowjob? We get there quicker." They all took a sec to thinked about this and decline and try to find other means. Montel quick use he black man intuition, somethin he had since he born and cap falc not require and decide to steal the nearest park car he find. They all get in and continue they way down to California and face their greatest eviling.  
>"Lord Oprah, it appear that the road block was slaughter with easy by Montel's crew." say riki "Bery well... i shall send one of my agentas... They will not excaper this." say opreah..<p>

Footnote - Anderson Cooper = gay but he tries to hide it. He even turn down Kathy Griffith for sex, he must be gayness.


	4. Harry Online!

The four of them leaved new orleands and driving peacable. they pass many states but they arrive in texas for gas filling. They stop at shell gas station this time lol. Montel gotted ready to filler gas while the other 3 got up to make pee pee brake. Springer and Maurty and Andy went to pee pee on urinal and make steamy misting on it. Andy were peeking at other boys winkies because he curious. he look over and see tiny jew penis but he excite and strat to rub him winkie too. the other too catch he and get very anger in their eyes and tell his to pee in stall. "I was boreeedd anyway!" say ander coop with very gay in his voice. Andy goes into bathroom stall and finish him pee and jerk off. He them take out silver sharpie cause sharpie him favor colored oops i mean silver. he scrawling something on side of stall cause him very boredom. It reading "For good loving bee at this stalled Wednesday night 2 am". Andy read this and realize it make no sense but he no care and left stall and washer him hands and making way back to car. Meanwhile montel swip him bank card in masheen but no charile sheen cause he too cool and have only one speed, stop and drink turtle blood. it say insufficianet fund and it no let him filled gas. the others see this and get very anger but no so much as montel. montel very anger. he got so madding he take stand cap falc and do "FARCON PAWNCH" it do 999999999999999999% damage to gas station tank and it explode in him face but to everyone surprise ot barelyt fase cap falc he super strong. Montel makesure he look away cause cool guys dont look at explosions and he snap he finger and point at explosion while look away and say "We must support troop..."

"great what do now montel we no get gas u poor black man where all ur money go?" banter maury. "Well i have Multiple sclerosass (MS Paint) so i need smoke weed legally for this problem it very painfulness..." say montel in very sorrow. They all bust laughing, evening andy coop the fag. Montel ignoring them and making of the crossing of arms and impliyers that he wanting them to making up better idea. They thinking long while and Coop got amazing feeling. Andy feel he stand compel to do something so he took gas pumping thing and Diet Pepsi firmly grasping the gas hose. Diet pep wrap hi big lips around gas pump and look like he making beg inhaling! soon the others can see bumps of something moving through hose like as if something come out...and came it did. sudderly gallons of gas esplode in Andy coop mouth and he stand and they redirect the flow to the stoler caddilac car from lousians. Andy now filler up car with gas that he stand sucker out! "I learned that trick in college but i guess this is a stronger stand version!" smirking andy coop. They all in dumbfind... "ok so we haveing gas now but we no haveing funds for future beef jerky and chips and stuff on road." say spinger "Don't forget my weed i am in very painful..." mentia montella "we cant afford ur gay weed anwayway beside u faking u just want get high" rebat maury. Montel sharp look at maury in very anger but then he feel bad for maury because he have useless stand and if he beat him up it will be like nuking Japan again, goodfight. He decide not to kill everyone and brush off he comment and walk away in very paining because he no have he weed. He so much painful even cap falc feel week! Montel knew this was serious, but he have no money, so beside from beef jerk he must find moneying for the buying weed. Then Montel think in deeping thought. "I get it guys... I know a way we can make money so we can conintue our adventure... We will have to stop at a library..." Montel say in such a serious tone even gay man andy have a straight face.

They all got in the car... Everyone was silent. Montel was driving this time and the radio wasnt even on. Somehow everyone knowed that montel was not to be fuck with right now. Montel drive quickly to local library and sat down at computer hub. All others go separate ways to do their own thing. Andy and spinger try to look up porn on internet but it block them cause safe search on. Maury went to look up scientific journal and pretend to be smart and read them but only he stand can run tests and not know a lot of science just basic. All the whiling, montel, very straight face, so straight he earrings no moving. He log in online into some website call ...Money Mutual. (.com Go there I shit not you) Yep it turns out Montel have been moonlighting for some extra cash doing extra commercials and doing some online advising and money lending for some clients. Montel put on he headset and have he phone at ready. It were time to collect debt.

Montel gotted into online chatter on skype with one lcient who owe 5000 dollar in advance loan and if he no have money now he bad trouble. "Wheres the money" Montel say i very sequky nerdy voice because he MS acting up badly. "Um, yeah ...Wheres what?" say some british dude. "Wheres the money" repeat Montel in samely voice "Oh... It's in the bank" say brit guy."Oh ok" say montel and he went new tab in moziller firefoxed because IE is suck and he pull open he bank account. it say current ballacne $0.00.

"You trick me?" say Montel "Wot" say guy "You trick me" say montel. "You told me to get you loan back look in bank i deposit it" say brit guy "You lied... WHY! WHYYY?" scream montelly and whole library look at him and then there were silence on skype for little. "why u do dat?" say montel through tear of pain cause he MS acting up... "why u do dat?" he sask again. There was silence and montel let out a cry "ugh" and hanging up. Montel pain so bad that he had to go making a dump in bathroom so he left computer un attended. after let out huge diarheea dump from withdrawing of weed and pain he come back in a little better spirit. He come back to computer desk and are in shocked. He look at what he see and he see computer blue screened... what happen? Montel quick rebooted computerdora and he wait for loading. Once it loader he seeing he bank account having $20,000... but what fuck? "W-w-w-w-who... do...?" question momtel he get no replied. montel get very dumbfinding and he sitting there awhile in awe and thinkin "i can smoke weed for a looooooong time on this monies!" and all of sudder he getting phone called. "WHAT FUCK YOU STOLE MY MONEY" say brit guy he call back and assume it montel cause he just ask for money. "YOU HACKED ME" say guy. Montel smile and respond "dude i dont know what u talking about... i was doing accounts on library computer and then i had to take a dump... someone must have had fun with the cpu and your accounts man it wasnt me sry." montel say with truthness in he voice "fuk u man i dont believe u i getting lawyer." say guy and he hanging up. Montel smirk at this and knew lawyer will no nothing to him and make dumb dumb court case but he have stand and he powerful and plus he already went to jail for stealing money when he was kid so no go to jail for stealing money again because of double jeporday alex trebek right?

Montel hurrily gather he friends and went to go by weed but he seeing a shadow as he leave library and it move fastly away. Montel think nothing of this, he had money for weed and nothing can deter he from he joy. He went and gotted weed and got high as a mole oops i mean kite. they all continue journey to Californa... Montel's greatest strength is his greatest weakness and who is this mysterious person who helped montel out with his monetary issues, and more importantly revenge. Was it all a ploy or does this shady character have montel interest at heart? Only time will tell NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL oops i mean MONTEL'S BIZZARE ADVENTURE...


	5. Harry Goodfight!

The gang continue on jerny to road to become greated trainer oops i mean kill nemeysis Oprah Winfired. They now nearing edge of texas but they drived a few 100 mikes and decide el paso salsa, TX is good place to stop. They all tired from jerny and been sleeping on road all these timings so decide, since they have good mony now (15k cause montel bought 5k worth of weed which is like 500 pounds no joke) he only took about 20 pounds with him cause he didnt want to get caught and then gave rest to "charity" but really he resold a lot of it to turn a profit so now montel back up to 21k. Since they roling in muni they find nice 5 star hotel to sleep in in el deside to get presidental sweet so they all have they own room and big common room kinda like hotel room in the hangover lol. It about 5k a night. (just thot u shud know lmao)

They all relax and try to felled asleep but this was an impossibiliter. Though it were peaceful night in el paser... when from nowhere... i hope you guess it? David Letterman attack! David :Letterbug attack the city hall, David leteranger attack the Burger kings, Davin LEttemna attack everything! It was a ? Picnic? Andy coop senser this becau he poer ob FORSYTHE kk? (c wat i did there? XDD) and he think to wake up the guys but he think to himself... wait this only gap tooth david letterguy... he been around long time but wtf im fking ANDERSON COOPER BITCH (You better not censor ill be raged) and he went and teleported near where the havik was being reeked. Come out montel and friends... there is nowhere to hide.,.. I've been sent by lord oprey to destroy you... come out peace or u lament! (not pledgerism i reword) Ok Gayvid i will do this say Andy... little do he know i will just teleport him to the sky and drop him! andy think to himself. Oh its you Gay andy.. i heard you were tagging along with the nigger and his crew of Jews hehehehe... why don't you take a break... theres a chilido- oops i mean a penis in that port-a-potty by penis i mean my penis in the glory hole and when u finish sucking u can submit to me (if u kno wat i mean). Andy knew he couldnt resist and also knew it wasnt no bigg dealer cause he friends no see him and he could teleport if it trap.+

It was at this point in time that Andy was about to sucking the penis when david activate trap... david cummed 2 fast and it squirt on andy face... adny was in pleasure and shock and david took this oppourtinity to knock out andy over the head with his stand, this incisors... it pretty much like green lanter poer esept it from he gap teeth and he made shape of hammer and hit andy on hed. u think i let you suck my weiner for free that is not the trapping? (still not pledging it different... look it up ...OKAY?) david letterman X9'ed... It all over say Andy and he pass gas out.

Back at the hotel... montel still sleeping cause he high as a mug from his almost limitless souplee of weed. and jerry and maury spooning cuase idfk its yom kippur and it jew thing to do on that day actually im not sure cause its like July 2. ANYQWAY... David lett go and make exploding of many buildings and police too scared to do anything they think devil attacking (it's texas remember?) and david walk foward slow mo with exploding stuff and dying people behind him and look like bad ass but he also walking using his 2 gap teeth (big now cause of stand) like doc octopus from spiderman so he also look pretty gay. the gang look out window and seeing barney rubbles all over place indickingative of disaster. Come out montel there is nowhere else to hide you c ive destoryed most of the city... montel hear this voice out of makeshift loudspeakr made from david teeth stand. Montel knew he having to taked action replay and he went down lobby out to parking lot and the 2 jews stopped dry humping each other that they come too. with fire in backround they finally come fase to fac. Hmm only three of you...Did you forget someone? say letterman as he point to defeated andy coop. This cause very much angering to boiling up in montel... sure he didnt think much of andy the fag but it was him friend. and noone mess with he friedns. David see that he hit a sore spot in montel and begin to laugh insiderously. Montel began to shake he face in anger and almost esplode but he hold it in cause he still empoered from all the weed he smoke. Montel just stood there and scof at febil attempt he making to rage he. and start to laugh in he face. David, thinkin back to repressed memory of being laugh at for being a nerd as a kid and bein made fun of. David super pissed and took a big swing at montel with he fist shaped tooth. Montel easy pressed R + Down and moved out of the way of nerd attack. Montel feeling the power flow through him desided to press up on dpad and daivd got even more pissed cause he was already showing him moves. The two jews observer their cocky friend and relaise the dmg around and were scared and thot montel was crazy to be so cool headed even after what heppen to coop. The two back off and were there watch for moral support. They realise they never actual seen montel in action they thought he all smoke and guns because he got locked in jail and try to kill himself what a nub they think, but they scared so goodfight. David more enrage than ever start spewing out a barrage of tooth fists at montel... they go so fast it look like blur. Montel just jump behind daivd and UpSmash him with easyness and skill and then montel feeling great jump in air after him and does a backflip kick and comes back down and then jumps off a ledge and does another backflip kick and then double jumps and you guess it another backflip kick! and the connects with an UP B WHAT THE F! David letterman raped was flying off screen oops i mean out of the city but he teeth extended and barely saved him wat a gay wannabe link.

David knew he bit off more than he could chew and was badly hurt. The jews werre amzaed. Lettermen almsot dead... he rememebr something that oprah told him... montel weakness... So david thought to use this...getting on he knees he go to montel and beg... please please plaes dont kill me montel i pledge alliance to u i promise have aheart,,,.. pls? montel thinked about this sniveling cheating liar and he knew he was cause gaped tooth snake... but he decide to spare him cause he felt good man. ok i spare u... get out of my face... and david say omg thank you sir lord master u great i do anything... you know we are alike... Montel raise he eyebrow curious as to what he meaning... You know i was recent diagnose with MS? I know how it feels... to be scorned and not taken seriously because of the disease... everyone think it an excuse to get high! I know its not true... I know the painful... ive actual been fighting through the pain... since i have no weed... I signed up with the MS support club not to long ago i heard they help you get presciption but i hadnt got help yet...david say this with many tearing in he eye. Montel thought this supicious and check he palm pilot and check the MS support database and see david name there! Montel feeling very touching help david off ground and pat he on back and felt bad for him. I know how it fell too brother... here... i have some extra weed that will hold you over... say montel with very empathy in he voice. montel go over to the truck where he kept his surplus weed and money and was opening the trunk... all of sudder... CAR ESPLOT! David esplode the car and was just waiting to see where the weed was hidden... all the weed and money in the trunk gone. Montel quick thinking pressed L and managed to block the esplosion unscattted.

YOU really think i would join you? you're pathetic and a joke and so is MS by the way... i bet you're wondering how i was on the roster... Lord Oprah has spies everywhere! I know what happens next... go ahead finish me off... i served my purpose... and a warning since i feel so bad for you... the next agent that comes for you will be the last you'll ever see... this guy is no fucking joke... he is at least 1000 times stronger than all of use combined... enjoy your victory while it lasts... explaim david while coughing cause he still hurt form montel. Montel slowly turned around with his face still down and then he slowly look up... he so pissed everyone can see. he beigin to feel anger boil inside him... he start to shake and disfigure he face untill he could take no more... LETTERMAN! -ETTERMAN! the whole town could hear he echo and an aura of energy appeared around montel and he ran up full force and held down UP +A for max time and david could not block because he was so hurt and it do an incalculable amount of dmg (caucluable but it so i hi i lazy) and david went flying into space with his skin disintergrating from the air friction and the rate he was flying at. and all you hear after a sec is a "Dink" sound and a star flashing in the night sky. Victorious, but broken, our hero falls to he knees and crying over his lost love... his weed and money... Can you blame him? he is black... his two friends maury and sponger pick him off the ground and carry him back inside the motel... Montel reluctantly complies looking back at the destroyed car and puzzled by this warning from david that he will encounter another but more powerful than he's ever faced?... To be continued NEXT TIME ON MONTEL'S BIZaRRE ADVENTURE


	6. Harry Volsimorted!

The gang went back into the hotel and were all quiet. Maury and Jerry taked gay man and laid his down on couch cause he still passed out. Montel went to he room and say no word to nobody and went to sleep. maruy and jer bear went to talking about what just happen. "i never seed someone so poerful... montel reall is strong.." say maury "ye , ye who do? david letterman esplain about some one that is at least 1000 times more powerfulnes than all of us? how can this be true? shirley he must be jk... i see montel power... no 1 can be stronger than he?" snip springer. "well i dont know... he did pretty much give up easy and he said he served he purpose? how? Was he just a msn messenegrr? Oprah have men forfeit life for such an IM? We are in dave danger." say maruty. "i guess we wll see when it come hoepfule we be ready..." say spinger as they all retire to they bedroom.

The next morning they wake up and go to kitched and see Montel sitting at table eating some alphabet ceral (lol no nerds no msg is gonna appear in it he jsut like alphabet ceral) xDD. The others sit down across the table from he and try to beginning engaging conversationing with him (enlish teacher tolled me that i have to keep gerund for all verb if use in same sentance. [I learning] ) he just ignore them and continue eating his ceral. "he must be piszed" whisper jerry to maurty. "so montel we're pretty close to cali now... you should just focus on killing oprah right now." Say maruty... Montel no responder. They espect this so they pick up the complimentary newspaper and start reading. "yo maury give me the funny papers" say jerry and maury complies. As the shuffling of the paper happens montel stand cap falc use eagle eye vision to catch montel attntion to something on the paper... it jsut so happen to be the date... it read July 3rd, 2011. All of the sudder, montel push his bowl away and got up out of his chair and turned around and cross he arms and face the wall looking down all very pensively. "What the matter montel?" ask Jerry, even gay man andy barely gain consciousness and peek from the couch across the room and see what all the hubbub is about. Montel slowly turn around after a moment and look up very slowly and face the jews... "We must...support troop..." Everyone was puzzled by this and before they had a chance to respond Montel was already out the door walking. They ran after him and asking where go? By the time montel was ready to respond he was already car jacking another car and told them from the window "Airport" he reply.

The others intrigued jumped in the car and montel droving to airport while rolling up his last blunt and smoking it and driving at like 95 mph. The other no knew what got into he and their questioning were to no availing. Montel speeding and smokign weed but was not unnotice by coppers and then all of sudder there were highspeed chase down the interstate headed to airport but montel use he mind and stopped and let police pull him over. Montel still have joint in he mouth and the copper come over and smelled that. "ok sir im gonna have to ask u to step out of the car please." Montel pulled out his 9 and shot the cop in the head goodfight and he kept drivinte until he reach airport. He went to the teller and ask "4 tickets to Afganistan pls" using he last money left over in he pocket after battle with DL ..."AFGANISTAN!" the other 3 shout in unison... Montel decided that he should probably let the nerds in on what is going on "As I told you earlier, We must support troop. You see its about to be July 4th over there and we must support troop by going over there. I MUST. There is no stopping it. I'm sorry friends." not only were they dumbfind by this revaltion they were dumbfind by montel coherent explanaiton... something he almost never is, a a testiclement to montel's higher calling. "So are you guys coming or what?" ask montel as he about to get secruity check but probably anal cause he black. "but but but... we are so close to california... if we go to afganistan.. we will be screwing up all the traveling we done until now!" whine maury Montel look fiercely at maury " WE...MUST...SUPPORT... TROOP" with almost a bloodlust in he eye and voice maury almost pee himself. spinger and andy think to themselves for a bit and start to like the idea of the trip. Springer and andy went to make a few phone called. The two had two very different things in he mind with gleam in they eyes. They all finally agree and board the plane and set out. While plane was taxi off runway maury ask springer about all that bs about not endagering people in flight or something idk and he say "Well if they do want to attack us it will save us the time of going to california or something and ill use my stand to protect civilinas or soemthig IDK! OKAY?" so they all sleep and take their 1 day flight to towel hed land switching planes along the way without incidental.

They finally arrive and already feel the sand creep up their butts and scratch it off except maybe andy he thought it was rather pleasant. They made way to the largest US Rmee camp and saw that the WWE was already set up there giving a show for troop and montel and friend shook hand with vince pacman or whoever owns the damn fake show lol. So they wait until wrestling over and montel give inspiring speech as if it were program in he brain. he then went on to sing God Bless The USA better than Lee Greenwood himself (http:/ www. /watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E) (p.s. just ignore the lyrics doger)

"If tomorrow all the things were gone

I'd worked for all my life,

And I had to start again

with just my children and my wife,

I'd thank my lucky stars

to be living here today,

'Cause the flag still stands for freedom

and they can't take that away.

And I'm proud to be an American

where at least I know I'm free,

And I won't forget the men who died

who gave that right to me,

And I gladly stand up next to you

and defend her still today,

'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land

God Bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota

to the hills of Tennessee,

Across the plains of Texas

from sea to shining sea.

From Detroit down to Houston

and New York to L.A.,

well There's pride in every American heart

and it's time we stand and say:

that I'm proud to be an American

where at least I know I'm free,

And I won't forget the men who died

who gave that right to me,

And I gladly stand up next to you

and defend her still today,

'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land

God Bless the U.S.A.

And I'm proud to be an American

where at least I know I'm free,

And I won't forget the men who died

who gave that right to me,

And I gladly stand up next to you

and defend her still today,

'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land

God Bless the U.S.A."

Montel sanged all this with tear welling up in he eye AMERICA F YEAH ! After all this american pride welling up in he heart he gain +100 to all he stats so no nerd can f with him if they wanted to. everyone inspired now and then springer thought in his head... "my turn" and everything went dark and all u heard was "Jerry! jerry! jerry jerry Jerry jerry jerry jerryJerry jerry jerry jerry! etc etc"! and then all of the sudden it turned out to be an episode of Jerry springer! Montel got confused and then jerry was like "how u think we gonna make some money back yo? besides the troops love this stuff they all from Georgia and Alabamer." Montel gave his consent because it counted as support troop.

This epsiode that jerry hosted was titled stripper hooker incest madness! And jerry had 5 stirppers on poles around the troop in slutty fatigue outfits and the first guests were 2 hookers that were sisters and they fighting over a man... the man in question being their brother. So the first hooker tells her story how she in love with him and stuff. "So how do you think this will make your sister feel knowing that you are in love with her boyfriend your brother?" ask jerry and the hooker respond int he most redneck of accents "weal i dun kner jarrey... i am afread to tell her, i dont want her to know but..." then springer intterupt "WELL she knows now shes been listening back stage!" and then her sister rushes out and then a boxing bell rings and they start going at it and start fighting ripping out each others hair. guest miliary police security guards eventual break it up. "you such a slut u know that?" say hooker 1 to hooker 2 "ur the slut you only charge half price bitch" springer calms them down and says "well lets let t he boyfriend you brother decide... here he is" The boyfriend comes out and starts to make out with hooker 1 and then hooker 2 tries to break them up and beat up on hooker 1. This goes on until jerry decides its ocmmercial time and then gets new guests. pretty mucht he same stuff go on with other guests beingmother and daughter father son idk wtf. finally it were time to end the show with.. you guess it... Final thought. Jerry sit on he stool and everything go dim adn everyone body look and even andy stop sucking gay soldiers off and look. everyone was still and unmoving "First i would like thank u all for be on show and good luck to u. You know the part of intenseness of being in love is vulnerablitiy and knowing ur never in control and u giving all of yourrself and it can be taken at anytime in terms of its felling. It life on the edge. Its the same with our guest here tonight they open they heart and what happen? they get brunt. why would their lover lie to them or cheat? now there is not only pain and dissap. but also anger and it is small consolatian prize to know that everyone goes through this in life. Indeed the only way to protect yourself from having that happen to u is no fell in love in first place. the problem is that is empty life... till next time" everything undim when jerry stop talking and it seemed like.. for a second that noone could move or noone was breathing and a fly couldnt even fart. when jeery stopped talking everyone was amazed at he words and all clap and jerry gtfo and collected his 5 grand for the show fk yeah. after all the festivities and fireworks of 4th of July, the group reconvened. Montel patted jerry on back for job well done and the trio asked montel what do? "well we must resume our journey ot face the evilt hat are oprah and make sure she no maked alived. What say we screw all this galvanting (w/e the F that means) around and lets fly straight to CALI! Lets take oprah head on." Montel said sitll feeling empowered by american pride and aprently its rashness too. The gang agree and get ready to head to airport except andy. "uh guys i think ill stay here a bit and take care of a few... things" say andy. They all shrugged as if they gave a rats ass and headed to the airport. They took some money from jerrys stripper fund and bought 3 tickets straight to LA. They were going to face oprah... no more bullshitting around in other states and making excuses nothing could stop them now... or could it? Find out next time on MONTEL'S BIZaRRE ADVENTURE!


	7. Snape kill dublydoor but forgiv for tell

The three of them got on to the plane and were exhauster from the fun time they haved overseas. It was a long flight to Cali so they had a lot of down time. They slept through their first flight to Germany to switch planes They were wide awak at this pint ecept montel so they made the conversations "But u get to fly in jetz!" say Jeri spanger but maury rebattled "Wat u talk about u fat nerd Modern warfer 3 ganna be 2 much beeter... it shows world war 3!~! batelfeld just show dumb solider fight in regular place that seem likely and realistic." at this montel peeked under he shut eyelid at maruy and gabe he a ebil glare. "oops i mean smart soldier in regular place that seems more realistic than russian invasion." at this montel close he eye again in contentment.

"fuk mw3 no 1 cares anymore man its just gonna be a bunch of fat sweaty 15 year old hot pocket eating nerds and perhaps some fat mechanics with nice computers running around with marathon perk and some sort of akimbo weapon or nub tub... gay perks half of them are not realistic like remember commando pro? no fall down damage? so fall from 1k feet high and u live o thats realistic.. so much for realistic shooter. And before u even say it... sure you couldnt go prone in bc2 but you can in BF3 so F OFF." say sporinger with fanboy fury. "i dont care what u sayin man getin nukes was wwesome and doing 360 no scope across map of derailed using intervention and then switch to g18 akimo when nerds got 2 close so i had to bust a cap" and jerry just gave him a face of disgust and then remembered reading something "o well guess what no nukes in mw3 so cry about it nerd"

"i dont care w/e its still gonna be better than ur gay game i mean my map size is gonna be 1/3 of your map size meaning less players in a match cause in a real batel field not more than 16 players oops i mean soldiers in an area and i dont get to control my killstreaks because im too sweaty and cant for a second take my mind off quickscoping people and throwing knives and hatcchets cause thats what soldiers really do in a battle field and then they throw their tactical insertion cause they want to stay behind enemy lines if they die so they can respawn and spawn kill cause there are respawn points in RL. In addition if im getting shot at my character doesnt get scared cause every soldier u play as is a bad ass and doesnt get that gay realism effect of supression and using perks i can run for infinisty or get anyweapon i need at any point on the field using one man army cause thats what i would do if i were soldier. Plus bf3 doesnt have killstreaks which = bad game so idgaf." Banter maury and Springer just ignore all this cause he knew better than to talk to a fanboy about this. Being a diplomatic guy springer then say " Well at least the campaign for mw3 might be decent i might play for that case though i havent played trhu the story of the first 2"

"Wot" say maury. "You haven't played modern warfer too yet? I always see you on Bad company 2.. The story is so cool... " quesadilla maury "yo... I didn not play mw2.. can you catch me up on it?" ask springer. "Ok springer... I will do this... ahem... it was hot mornign to traneing camp of felix opfor base in nation of opfor were jospeh allen tranei to became sas optiv and was traening other ppl their like opfor member whom make write choice and became usa fighter! also in before them event..."(Chippy pp. 1, 2011) Maruy began to tell his story when all of the sudden the plane started shaking violently. "Uhh.. this is your captain speaking... Uhh... just some slight turbulence... nothing to be Uhhh... Alarmed about." and then the shaking stopped and then maruy began to tolled his tale again but then the shaking became more violent! And all of sudder the plane of existence got torned in half! and people started falling out and were sad and crying and shit cause they are fooking poosies or something. And the three frined were alerted and wished they had gay AC with them to teleport them out of this mess but he not there cause he 2 busy suking of gya solder cok so gudfieght.

So everyone became falling down to ground from sky at fast rate. Springer was not worried because he could probably be saaved by steve wilkers but he duno if he can saved he friends. Then in a flash the three were swooped out of the sky by a prickly fleshy entity and only the three were saved and the rest of the people died so also goodfight. They seemed to have landed in a city unfamiliar to them. When the 3 looked they wanted to know to who they owed their graytitdude. They saw a tall somewhat portly man in a dark cloak and a protruding chin... This could only mean one person.. Jay. Leno. "Wow Jay leno thank you so much for saving of our lives" say Maury breathing heavily cause he hyperchondriac jew and he scared easy. "How did you know to save us?" say jerry and montel just stare at the man cause black people are always ungrateful when you do something for them like hold the door open for them when entering a store and they dont even say thank you, they just expect it kinda like how they no say thank you for end of slavery, bery ungrateful. Jay leno slowly looked up at the 2 grateful men and 1 ungrateful black guy and say nothing. In a second he threw off his cloak to the side and it floated in the wind in slow motion just like in japanese anime. What the 3 saw was not Jay Leno... but at the same time... it was... He was wearing a suit like usual but he skin was very pale and his eyes were all completely jet black with no pupils, He seemed like a rabid beast in a suit. The 3 were repulsed by he appearance and then without warning his chin went lunging at them! Montel was quick to dodge and wilkers protected jerry and mary. "What the hell man you just save us now u try to kill us? wtf" Leno just let out a loud high pitch screech and conitnued to attack them but focused his efforts on montel. Leno kept lunging his chin at him while montel deftly dodged the cleft. It was clear, howeber, that montel was having a hard time keeping up. he was sweating but still able to dodge the attacks, barely. Jerry saw this and took an open opportunity to attack. ORAAAAA say jerry as he swong at the stationary leno moving his chin attacking montel like a flopping nooding, but yet also firm, kinda like "Al Dente" pasta, cooked just enough not to be too soft or too firm. Leno saw this and moved his chin like lighting and slap jerry across the map oops i mean across the city and jerry stand was able to block but there was a loud crack and he was sent flying. Maury went after him to help him cause they butt buddies or something.

Leno resumed his attack on montel. Montel, breathing heavy decided it was time to counter attack. He jumped on top of the chin and started to run toward leno's face! While running the 100 or so meters across his chin running so fast that leno cant shake him off, Montel thought of American things like McDonalds, Wal-mart, Monday night football, and big breasted soccer moms. Montel ran and lunged a Fully charged falcon punch at Leno which sent a shockwave from the resulting force which destroyed some of the road, sidewalks and even cracked a few skyscrapers. It seemed that, Leno, made no effort to dodge. When the smoke settled from such a flamboyant punch, all that remained was montel's fist on Leno's face and Leno was... unphased. He made no attempt to block and let out a loud heaving laugh. "Got you" he said as wrapped his chin around montel and he was unable to move despite all he efforts. Then Leno took out a large syringe from his pocket and injected a yellow viscous fluid into montel's neck and then released him. Montel felt no immediate effects and took the opportunity of being close up to get some inside punches. Montel threw them as fast as he knew how making sure every punch landed... but what fuck...? Leno kept dodging each punch at light speed! every punch that montel threw would only hit an afterimage and Leno finally appeared behind montel and as he looked behind him saw his chin coming right at him smacking him and sending him flying into a building which he passed right through into 3 more buildings before stopping. All the buildings collapsed, including the one montel was in. Montel... lying under a pile of rubble was bleeding severely and coughing up blood. He clung on to life by recalling his duties. "We must...Support..." montel says gasping for air... "I must support..." montel says feeling slightly more invigorated and tries to push off the 1 ton rubble off his body. It starts to move but then it collapses. Montel, unable to go on, stretches out his hand and then lets it down... with an American flag falling from his hand. Everything goes black for Montel. "It's all over" he say. After a minute the Prince Adam oops i mean Barney oops i mean rubble is lifted off montel and someone grabs his hand. Montel open he eyes and see many lights on a human figure, as iff he were a christmas tree. He helped him to he feet and saw it was Conan O'Brien, clad in... ipad and smart phone armor? Conan picked up montel and flew him to a nearby sidewalk. Conan went to face Jay leno and Leno's face lit up with fear. Leno could feel the power emananting form Conan. And then in a weasly voice "That's... impossible... No one has a power level that high! Not even Lord Oprah's right hand! You're half as strong as Lord Oprah!" say Leno "You're right... No one in this time does. I'm going to enjoy this." and suddenly Leno's demeanor changed. " Y-y-y-you know i didn't mean it right? It was only business Conan, I swear! I am carrying out Lord Oprah's will!" Said leno in his usually squeaky and groveling voice "That's not what I'm talking about. You know what I mean. Don't try to weasel out of it." Answer Conan sternly. "Look Conan, they gave you 33 million so I can take over the tonight show. You got compensated! It's not my fault! It's NBC's fault!" say Leno. "Hmph... NBC... that's a name I haven't heard in awhile. I've already dealt with them long ago and have claimed that company for TBS... but I guess that hasn't happened here in this time yet...At any rate... I've been waiting too long for this." say Conan and then, in a concerted flash from all the devices strapped to him blinded Leno and Conan grew and extended his beard. When Leno's eyes acclimated everything he saw started slanting until he could only see the ground and then nothing. In front of conan was a pair of disembodied legs and a diagonal section of a torso with the other part on the floor. In an instant, the greatest enemy Montel has ever faced has been slain. Conan reveled in his victory over his nemesis and went and gathered maury and jerry and put them next to montel. Montel looked up and asked... "What are you?..." Conan responded.. "Me?... I'm Conan O'brien" and puts on stunner shades and put a strobe effect app on all his smartphones and ipods.

Play this while reading on.

.com/watch?v=kwsqyxwvBGw#t=34s

The warning from David Letterman has become a reality. Montel Williams, broken and defeated by the insidious talk show host Leno, owes his life to Conan O'brien, a strange warrior from the future. With immense power he was able to slay his opponent with little effort. Though this help could not have come at a better time, he is only half the strength of the evil Lord Oprah. Will this new warrior be able to help montel overcome his challenge? Will montel live despite his injuries and the injection of the strange liquid form Leno? Will Maury learn to fight and not be useless? Only time will tell... Next Time On MONTEL'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE!


End file.
